Motherhood - getting to know our mums' journeys

We asked our friends and followers on Mother’s Day to ask their mums a few questions about their journeys to motherhood, in the hopes of collecting some stories about the wonderful people who brought us into this world! It is my belief that if we don’t take the time to appreciate how motherhood affected the women around us, it’s a slippery slope to misrepresenting them in media and politics, not to mention undervaluing them in relationships. Journeys through conception, pregnancy, delivery and recovery can be so wildly different and unexpected, so in order to combat the lack of information from school sex ed, we invite you to have a read of some real-life stories to learn more about the practical realities of having a baby. (All the names are changed to allow anonymity)

ABBY: The most unexpected thing about the first few months of pregnancy was that no one had told her about the potential difficulty with breastfeeding – it surprised her when it didn’t work right away, like we see it does for other animals! There were so many emotions involved, at times she felt like a failure and she worried about the consequences of giving the baby a bottle. It was painful and frustrating, not like the beautiful bonding moment portrayed in films. However, it was relatively short-lived and after three weeks she (and the baby!) had figured it out. But those first three weeks were tough!

BETH: My dad supported her the most through the pregnancy and early motherhood because their parents were abroad so they only had each other! My parents tried for a baby for a while due to fertility issues, so when they finally got pregnant with me they were really excited/relieved!

CASSIE: My mum worked at a nightclub before getting pregnant with me, and she basically had to quit. She had to put her work on hold while she was pregnant. She only had support from her sisters and my aunt (dad’s sister). In terms of the birth itself, basically I was born prematurely and had pneumonia for a couple of months, so I was in hospital for most of the first few months. Mum had to go back to work because she couldn’t afford the hospital bills and didn’t want help from the family because they also couldn’t provide. So my mum had a really difficult time having me, because she had to do it all by herself.

DELILAH: Symptom-wise, she felt very queasy for several weeks at the beginning of the pregnancy… She ate lots of gingernuts to quell it. She had some surprising cravings as well, like grapefruit juice and cheese and onion crisps – yuk!! Her labour was about 11 hours, but not really painful… then about 20 minutes of pushing. It wasn’t nearly as painful as she thought it might be, so none of the pain relief that she’d requested on her birth plan was needed. She decided to stop teaching when she had me, as it felt silly to give her child to someone else to educate while she went and educated other people’s children. She added, “I loved spending those days with my girls.”

EMMA: An unexpected symptom during mum’s pregnancies was that the smell of fruit teas made her feel incredibly nauseous. Even a few years after each pregnancy, the smell of fruit tea was unbearable! She went through career changes for all three pregnancies. Mum continued working late into each pregnancy (weeks before due dates), and then stopped working for a whole year following each birth. She would return to part-time work soon after that, and eventually back to full time. Retrospectively, she would have liked to have spent more time being a ‘stay at home mum’ rather than rushing back into work after the first year, and just generally to have been able to spend more time with us. Her advice to our generation when we start to have children is to be patient – things won’t always go as planned during a pregnancy, as well as after the birth, and that’s okay. You just need to take the time to re-adjust the plan.

Curious about what your mum’s journey was like when she was a young adult and entering motherhood? Why not ask her a few of the questions we put together? You might be surprised what you learn!

Q1) What symptoms does she remember having in pregnancy? Any unexpected ones?

Q2) What decisions did she have to make regarding her career?

Q3) Who supported her the most throughout her pregnancy & the early months of motherhood, and how?

Q4) What was the most unexpected thing about the first few months of motherhood?

Q5) What was her childbirth story? How long was the labour? What stands out to her when she remembers it now?

Q6) Did she have any cravings she can remember?

Q7) Had she tried for children before? What was her experience with finding out she was pregnant/ trying for a baby?

Q8) And finally, what does she wish she could have told her younger self about pregnancy and motherhood, and what advice does she have for our generation when we start having families?

Head over to the NOUS Instagram page to share your stories and start a conversation in the comment section of the post for this article! Just search for @nouslondon .